Time Served

In the criminal justice system, "time served" describes a sentence where the defendant is credited immediately after the guilty verdict with time spent in remand awaiting trial. This terminology made me think, what if your crime was simply one of choosing the wrong relationship? Whether it be a friendship, marriage, or some other relationship, is there credit for time served? The benefit of time served, is the time you have to think. The time you have to ponder and ask yourself to what extent are you responsible for the crime, or the actions that led up to the crime. For, it truly is a crime to spend an extended time in a relationship that has a past that was unproductive, a present that is toxic and a future that non-existent to everyone. Everyone, except the stories you have made up in your head, trying to become unconscience to the reality of of what your head has known forever, but your heart refused to believe. I've always believed that people only treat you the way you allow them to treat you. And, if you remain in any type of relationship or situation, you have to ask yourself, what are you getting out of that situation that keeps you in that situation. I have watched many women remain in relationships, marriages, etc., for financial reasons, emotional security and for the sake of the children. It's easy to judge and say what we would or would not do in such a situation. Howver, what I do know, these situations are never like television and the simplicity in which they are played out does not exist. I have watched shows like the Bachelor and Say Yes to the Dress and I want to watch another show, I'll title it, Run, do not walk, Run. I say that to say, do not allow the allure of the dress and the sparkle of the ring, cause you to make a decision that will cause you to have an extended stay. I recall a decision that I almost made, but I thought better. I was engaged and was planning a wedding. However, everytime I thought about walking down the aisle, I saw myself turning and running down the aisle and out of the door. I was excited about the wedding, and how it would look, but, I could not see myself marrying this individual. I gathered my courage, wrote a letter and attached the engagement ring to the letter and handed it to him after dinner one evening. For me, that was one of the best decisions I ever made. The end of a friendship, the beginning of my freedom. I remember the meal, medium well steak, roasted vegetables and a lovely martini. He drove a white Porsche and I a black Rx7. My heart was torn, what would happen from this point forward? My head knew the answer. I liken it to walking the green mile, when your head surely knows what's at the end of journey, but your heart, hopes a stay will be granted. But there would be no stay. My head won out and right there, in the restaurant parking lot, that relationship ended. Now sometimes, the time served is even more difficult to calculate. There are those relationships that have been a part of us since childhood and the time served there can be hard time. There are often tumultous relationships that have existed for years. As a member of a family unit, many of us will try over and over again to rescue a family member, often to our own detriment. Addictions are often rationalized away by family members as a means of coping with displaced guilt, shame and fear. What if your decision to separate yourself from the toxic relationship, causes you to be the one ostrasized from the family? What if, what you recognize as truth, others tell you is fiction? What if, you recognized the strength in your decision to recognize your time served with this person and move on with your life. No longer allowing them to take up space in your life. No longer allowing them to make you a prisoner in your own life. Your Free! I've had time to think. I think I have spent way too much time, waiting on someone else to give me credit for time served. This 9x9 cell is just the product of my mind. I have limited myself to what I have believed certain relationships have wanted me to be, not realizing that no one can define what their not entitled. How can one human being, define another human being? Now, let's all be honest with ourselves. What relationships are defining you? Is it the "Golden" Handcuffs of Corporate America?, the ties that bind a family, the silver and gold of a friendship, that isn't really functioning? I think my time served is about to end and who knows, maybe I'll get credit for good behavior!