Searching for Self

One of my favorite hobbies is shopping.  Not just any kind of shopping, I'm talking high end shopping, handbags, shoes, jewelry, you name it, I have a love affair with all things fashion.  Yesterday I spent some time at the mall.  While at the mall, I had the opportunity to spend time with items from my favorite designers, Michael Kors, Coach, Gucci and several others.  I cannot explain to you the feeling of exhilaration that overcomes me as I pick up each pair of shoes, or carry each handbag.  There is something about finely crafted leather handbags and beautiful shoes that just draw me to them.  I imagine all things beautiful in my closet which has been designed to look slightly like a little boutique.  Every handbag on display.  The scent of channel #5 greets me as I enter the doorway of my own little retreat.

But, here is the question I began to ponder.  Beyond the handbags, jewelry and shoes, how have I truly defined myself?  As I continue to add to the collections in my closet, how have I further defined my life and my sense of self?  just how many handbags can I carry at one time?  Just how much jewelry do I truly need?  What is truly driving all of these purchases?  I call it a hobby.  But I am pondering, is it a hobby or a habit?  Do I do this for me or for others?  I am not certain at this point.  I know that I love fashion.  However, I am wondering how much does the fashion define me?

As I continue this journey into self reflection, I must be honest and say that I left the mall with yet another Michael Kors handbag.  It's Fall and for each season, I typically purchase a new handbag.  Oh, I'm not there yet, I said I am searching for self, I haven't completely found myself yet.  Maybe I am inside a handbag!