Change

Pam asked me, if I could live my life over what would I change?

Nothing.

It's like Maya says, "Wouldn't take nothing for my journey now!"

The journey now is greater than the sum of the parts of this thing called my life. Ah, sweet mystery.

If I were able to change any part how would the other parts be impacted? How would the dominos fall? I can't know. Better or not? Unknowable.

There is a Bible verse, Psalm 16:6, that says, "The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places. Indeed, my heritage is beautiful to me." And I have found it so.

Does this mean that there has been no pain, no suffering? No, certainly not. In the big picture, dare I mention the particulars of my story when they cannot compare to, as Emily Dickinson says, "the larger pain?" And yet it is these parts of my life that allow for the degree of compassion/connection for/to others that I do have. Up close these events have been at times overwhelming, but they have shaped my soul so I would not change them. There are lessons to be learned in the university of life and some of mine, like the lessons of others, have been difficult. Thank goodness for those who have held my hand.

It is important to say that I know there are things that seem to me to be unbearable. The suffering of our children, others whom we love, the innocents of this world, losses that are unspeakable that never end but must be integrated into our lives. This is sacred ground. I kneel here in silence letting the Spirit intercede for I do not know how to kiss and make well or how to pray.

As for the blessings of love, treasured family, precious friends, I certainly would not change these. I am spiritually rich! All I have needed has been provided. And compared to the economics of most in this world I am blessed beyond any justification! Such bountiful gifts! My cup overflows . . .

I'm not sure that with Paul once Saul I always count it all joy, but I get what he felt and meant. This is, as they used to say on that TV program hosted by Ralph Edwards, "This Is Your Life." This is my life. I don't wish to trade it for any other. I am enormously grateful for it. The poet Shakespeare says "Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds." I love my life and would not alter it. I am human with faults, failings, gifts, joys, but life, all life, and my life, is holy! Quite divine!

For such abundance, thanks be!

Christie, 3/18/11